Amazing Grace

This past month FB has popped up with lots of memories from last year....like today being the anniversary of my Pre-op Appointment for my Bilateral Mastectomy!

What a crazy and surreal time that was but also amazing!  I know, I know....how does someone refer to a breast cancer diagnosis and subsequent life-altering surgery as "amazing"?

Well, I'll tell you.....

#1: God is good...ALL the time. (Say it with me) And, ALL the time, God is GOOD!
Even in the worst moments, He is in control.  When we don't understand, He does. Once you relinquish control and let HIM guide, great things can happen.  God put me in all the right places at the right time.

Some of you know this, but I was not even supposed to be in San Antonio at the time of my diagnosis. If things had gone according to plan, I would have gotten married the Summer before and moved out of town.  Obviously, having my heart broken and a relationship ending was NOT something I saw as a blessing at the time!  But, in hindsight, God knew where I needed to be, who I needed to be with, and what catalyst it would take to get me there.  That relationship ending gave me the push I needed to leave my job and get back to work in the NICU that I love.  If I had not changed jobs when I did, I would have had an entirely different course of care, physicians, etc. Because of my job, I was in position to work with one of the top surgical oncologists and a renowned plastic surgery group who performed a "gold standard" type of reconstruction!  I was also surrounded by a team of people I love and who love me and supported me throughout the whole journey.  God knew....even when I didn't....amazing!

#2:  You never know how you will be used.
As a nurse, its my job to help people. I think that most nurses feel some inner calling to do just that...just part of our nature.  As a NICU nurse, I never in a million years thought I'd have anything to do with oncology...breast cancer in particular.  Because of my diagnosis, I have met so many people...other women touched by breast cancer, family members and friends.  I have friends now that I would never have met. By sharing my story openly, other women have been helped.  I've volunteered as a patient advocate with two groups and am always willing to lend an ear to another fighter/survivor.  Who would have thought I'd be

walking in breast cancer 5Ks, attending breast cancer awareness events, and blogging my personal life for the world?  My son grew a lot throughout this past year and has participated in events with me too. I believe he will have a better compassion and understanding for others in his life now. Even though this isn't the path I would have chosen, I am happy and blessed that God has allowed me to be used through it.  It is amazing is it to be able to help others!

#3: Grace is typically defined as "the free and unmerited favor of God".  My

breast cancer was caught early (Stage 0) and was contained (DCIS, non-invasive). I got my biopsy within days of the ultrasound that found it. My surgery (within 2 months later) was successful. No other locations were found and my lymph nodes were clear. Yes, I had a bilateral mastectomy, but I woke up CANCER-FREE....no chemo, no radiation.  My recovery was certainly not a breeze, but it was relatively complication free. My revision surgery gave me exactly what I needed and again was complication free.  My overall results (all completed within 1 calendar year) are wonderful. I was significantly blessed!  I know this even more than ever before in my life. I am grateful for things..little things...more than before. I  found out that I am as strong as I hoped I'd be in the face of a scary thing and happier than I imagined I would be again.  And, I surely feel HIS amazing grace in my life.

Here's hoping you feel HIS Amazing Grace in your life this week!

October Update

                            WARNING:  THERE ARE GRAPHIC/NUDE POST-OP PHOTOS IN THIS POST.

Not much post-worthy happening around here but I wanted to touch-base with all of you and give you some photo updates.

It's October 10 and today is in the 60's...actually feels like Fall!!  Won't last but a few days, but we'll enjoy it today. :)

As far as surgical recovery goes, life is pretty okay.  I get a little frustrated sometimes with my decreased endurance and lack of upper body and abdominal strength.  I was working on a DIY project last week and could not have done it without my teenage son to do the heavy lifting.  I used to be able to do so much more in one day, but now I find myself tiring out and needing to take a break.  It's not all bad...I tend to push myself too hard to finish projects, but it is frustrating.   Everything takes time, I know, but having never had major surgery prior to this year, I never realized just how much its affects can linger.  I'm trying to learn to embrace the rest....easier said than done. 

Super excited to report that my final Phase 3 is scheduled!!  My micropigmentation procedure (aka tattoos) will be completed in my PS office by my nurse on Nov. 7th.  Yay!  This should be the last procedure on my breast reconstruction journey.  

As my new nipples/areolas have healed, I am even happier with them!  As promised, the nipples have gone down about 50% and are not as "noticeable" when I am not wearing a bra (not that I do that in public, but I could! ;) ).  To see them with color soon...it's like waiting for Christmas as a kid!  

New nipples built 2.5 months ago...all healed and scars fading.
Just waiting on tattoos for color!!

The breasts themselves are great! The fat grafting made all the difference in shaping for me and they are very symmetrical.  Most of the time, my foobs are soft and natural feeling. When I first wake up in the morning and sometimes after an active day, they will feel a little firm.  This goes away immediately with a quick massage.  Love that they are "perky" even without a bra....its been years since that was the case!! 

My incisions have all healed well and the scars are starting to fade.  I'm not very good about massaging them daily like I should, but I'm working on it.  Right now, I am alternating between Palmer's Cocoa Butter and Mederma Oil as recommended by my PS.  Just recently, I purchased the InviCible Scars cream (made by one of the MD's in my PS office).  I've heard great things about it, so we will see how it works and I'll let y'all know.  

The scars on my chest from the fat grafting in Phase 2 are not as red and noticeable....made me feel like I had the measles or chicken pox before!  :)

Fat grafting scars on chest at 2.5 months post-op

My original abdominal incision looks good...not fading as quickly as my breast incisions, but it is very smooth and flat.

DIEP Flap Abdominal Incision at 7.5 months post-op

My new flank incisions from Phase 2 surgery on 07/25 are a little different.  One is already quite flat and thin.  The other side is "indented" and "tighter"....can't figure out a better way to describe that.  Obviously, these scars are newer so it'll take them awhile to fade like the original.  

New right flank incision...smooth and flat already at 2.5 months post-op

I've gained weight since all of this began but I'm hoping that some of the indentation will smooth out with weight loss and scar massage.

New left flank incision...thin but a little "indented" at 2.5 months post-op

So, that's my update for today.  I've "met" quite a few ladies on this journey and have enjoyed chatting with several this month on Facebook. If you have questions or comments or just want to share your story, please comment below!  

Since October is officially Breast Cancer Awareness Month, please don't forget to do your self-exams and get your mammograms!!  I found this ad amusing:

Have a great week!

Life and Bra Shopping at 6 months Post-Bilateral Mastectomy and Reconstruction

**WARNING: Post-Surgery photos/Partially Nude photos in this post!**

Just a few days ago on 09/06/17 was the 6 month-iversary since my Bilateral Mastectomy!  Hard to believe that it's been half a year already.  Most days it still feels like a dream....hard to explain to anyone who hasn't been there.  In addition to the 6 month milestone, last Tuesday was 6 weeks since my Phase 2 surgery with my nipple reconstruction.  I am super happy with the results from that surgery (and really looking forward to the finishing touch when they get colored-in).

School started for my son the second week of August (I know...very early!) so life is full of homework and soccer season is in full swing!  Work is busy, I've had several crafty projects going on, and it seems that my calendar always has something on it to do!  So, while for the most part life has moved on, I am reminded by the abdominal swelling by mid-day and the weird numb sensation that accompanies it that I have a new 'normal'.  

The abdomen thing is still quite strange and apparently going to go on for awhile, but I've been told that it gets better over time.  It's not quite 10am right now and I haven't been very active this morning so my abdomen and thighs feel fine.  This afternoon, both will have a strange numbness to them when touched.  It's nothing I would particularly notice except when touched or if I bump into something, etc.  It is not painful...just odd and sometimes a little annoying.  I notice it mostly at work when I lean over a crib rail or isolette or if I'm holding a baby against me.  In the past, I've likened it to when your foot falls asleep because there really isn't any other way to describe it that I can think of.  

Just like a lot of things on this breast cancer journey--time heals.  The swelling is definitely more pronounced now that I am no longer wearing the compression garment (My PS said I could stop wearing it at 6 weeks.). But overall, going without the garment has not been bad.  I'm not throwing any of them away for now because I still feel that my abdominal area is a bit weak and I might need to wear something on a particularly active day.  My PS said that the abdominal muscles take a longer time to heal than the external incisions.  Other than that numbness, I do not have anything I would call pain.  My abdomen still feels tight all the time.  When I get up from a reclining position or bend over is when I notice it the most.  I most definitely do not think I could do a bunch of sit-ups yet!

Speaking of sit-ups, most of you have heard of the LIVESTRONG Foundation, right?  I even got to share my story on their website.  LIVESTRONG has teamed-up with the YMCA and is offering a FREE program for any and all cancer survivors and/or fighters.  It sounds pretty awesome...an interview with a coach, a personalized workout program, 2-sessions a week with a group for discussion, support, and exercise and it's all free for 12-weeks!  My PS said I was okay to start exercise (within reason) and we have a new YMCA just down the road from the house.  So, I spoke with the Program Coordinator and got on the list for one of the upcoming sessions!  Those who know me know that I do NOT exercise by choice, so this is a leap for me. But, I am looking forward to checking this program out and hoping that it will help me to strengthen my abdomen and core again.  If you are interested in joining a group, check out your local Y or click on the link I posted above.  I'll be sure to post when I get started to let you know how it is!

The other big adventure around here was my release to go BRA SHOPPING!  My PS said that at 6 weeks post-Phase 2, I should be whatever size I was going to be....no more swelling. My incisions are all completely healed, no scabs, and everything is soft.  So, this past week, I went shopping!  A friend had given me a Victoria's Secret gift card so I started there. And, well.....here's how it went for me:

Many of you have had a professional bra fitting and if you haven't, you should. The VS store is lovely albeit a little overwhelming, so it was nice to have someone measure me and make knowledgeable recommendations based on my new size and fit. 

Prior to having my son, I was small...I was a 30-32 big A-small B.  After breastfeeding and weight gain over the years, I have been anywhere from a 34-36 B-C.  Before surgery, a B was too small but many Cs were too big.  The goal with my PS was to get me to a full C.  VS suggested that I was a D!  

I specifically asked for only wire-free because that is all I've been allowed to wear up until now and I've been told that overall it is better for us (There's a lot of debate in the bra world on this topic, I guess.).  Unfortunately, VS does not have much to offer in this category (other than sports bra-style).  I entered the dressing room and the sales associate brought me their most popular wire-free bra. It was simple and plain....and quite boring.  

As you can see if the pics, it had some fit issues too.  Without the wire support, it gaps at the sides and especially right in the center!  Not flattering because you can see the bulge on the side under my shirt and the gap in the front makes it look like I have a "uni-boob".  
The associate brought me one of their regular wired bras so that I could see the difference.  She also had me try on a smaller measurement with a bigger cup....apparently, a 36DD is almost the same as a 38D??  There is a learning curve in the bra fitting world! 

Anyway....

As you can see, the wired bras fit better! No gap on the sides or center.  However, I felt that wire!!  I'm sure that part of it is because I haven't wore an wired bra in so long.  This particular bra was nothing to write home about (and certainly not for the price tag).  I agreed to try on their famous and cute sports bra even though it had to go over my head....how hard could that be?

Going on was okay but coming off was NOT easy!
I was stuck in this one!

It actually crossed my mind that I might have to buy this one just because I was going to need to be CUT OUT OF IT!!  Their sports bra styles do not go up past a 36 and this one was tight!!    Panic sets in and my fear that I was going to have to ask a stranger for help getting out of a bra pushed me...I wiggled and was practically upside down trying to get out of it. Never again....never ever again.  It's a cute bra for a much smaller woman.

Feeling defeated, I tried on their brand new bra...Sexy Illusions. The sales associate had one on.  She was well-endowed and assured me that it was awesome....smooth and light and the wire was well-padded.  It truly is a very nice bra!  I can still feel the wire (again, I think I'm just sensitive now) but nothing like the other bras.

No gap in the front and smooth sides!

Looks smooth under my clothes!

I went ahead and purchased one of these...I even got a free $14 lipstick just for trying on the new style and they had a special panty sale so I walked away with some new undies too!

Since VS was not as successful as I'd hoped, I walked over to SOMA....heard great things about their bras.  They did offer a couple more options (3 total) in a wire-free but again, none were very pretty.

The fit was similar at SOMA....I measured as a 38 D.  However, I did need a C in one style. The wire-free offered the same issue in the front...this time an even bigger gap!  I think I could have fit a Dr. Pepper can in there!!

Ummm....no.

They do have a really nice wire-free called the Vanishing Back that was significantly better!  

No large gaps but they only had black or green in stock that day so I opted to wait.  As I was walking out, I saw the Brighton store and couldn't resist treating myself to a little bling for my bracelet!

On my way home, feeling disappointed in my lack of bra success, I pulled into JCPenney. They came through for me after my Phase 1 so....

JCPenney for the win again!  The selection of wire-free bras was phenomenal!  

All colors and styles and some were even pretty!  I was pressed for time at this point so I did not even try all of the ones they offered.  I found this beauty though and bought it:

Look how small that gap is:

So, at the end of the day, I came home with one wire-free bra from JCPenney (Ambrielle) and one wired bra from Victoria's Secret.  I emailed my PS Nurse that evening to ask about my options. I told her that I was not having much success finding supportive bras without underwire and wondered if it was okay to wear underwire routinely now.  Thankfully, she responded that I am clear to wear underwire bras now!  Both of the ones I bought are very comfortable and after wearing the wired bra a couple of times, I am noticing it less. So, I feel more comfortable with trying on more wired options on the next shopping trip.

All of that being said......
I've needed to lose weight for some time now but weight loss has not been my focus this past 6 months.  Now that surgeries are complete and I'm healing well, there really isn't an excuse for the terrible eating habits I've developed! There's no compression garment or binder to hide it anymore either! I have gained almost 10 lbs since my diagnosis! And, there is nothing like a trip into the harsh reality of a dressing room to make one realize just how bad it has become!! 

Getting serious about getting this weight off starts this week!  New body, new breasts, new red hair color, new cancer-free me, right?  :)

For those asking and wondering how the new nipples are healing.....
I am thrilled and think they look great!  

6 weeks post-Phase 2 Reconstruction and
6 months post-Phase 1 Bilateral Mastectomy

That's it for my latest adventures on this breast cancer journey!  I'll keep you posted on what's new.  And, if you have any great bra recommendations, shoot them this way!

Enjoy your week!

Heigh-Ho Heigh-Ho It's Off to Work I Go: 7 Weeks Post-Op Update

                                      WARNING:  THERE ARE GRAPHIC/NUDE POST-OP PHOTOS IN THIS POST.

Today is 7 weeks post-op...7 weeks!  It is crazy how quickly time passes.  My next appointment to start planning for Phase 2 surgery is just over 3 weeks away and surgery could be as soon as 6 weeks from now.  Wow!

I filmed a quick video update for y'all today, so I won't bore you by typing out everything too.   I will however, show you a couple of updated photos (see below the video).

Just like most women in the world, my body looks waaaaaayyy better first thing in the morning!  My abdomen is pretty flat....I could even be tempted to wear a two-piece in public sometime (or not).  My abdomen still gets pretty puffy in the evenings.  My breasts are still very symmetrical and really only get a little swollen in the evenings.  These pics were taken this morning:

As far as being back to work, I was pretty swollen after my crazy shift on Saturday.  Other than that, no real issues other than being a little more tired than usual.  It is good to be back to work and taking care of the little ones and families.  

Next MD appointment is May 19, 2017. 

Talk to y'all again soon!

Battle Scars!

                                 WARNING:  THERE ARE GRAPHIC POST-OP PHOTOS IN THIS POST.

Just for fun and my fellow Lethal Weapon fans...



My scars aren't as exciting as Riggs' but my new ones sure come with quite a story, huh?

 4 Weeks Post-op:  This is my lymph node biopsy incision just under my left armpit.
It looked "lumpy" up until about a week ago, but now it is very smooth and flat.  I kinda like this one...
it peaks out from my tank top and bra like a badge of honor...my reminder of what God has done!

Just wanted to post an update this week to let y'all know how things went at my one month post-op appointment with my Plastic Surgeon (if you follow my page on Facebook, you already know....@bosomthing) and let you know what I've been up to:

Waiting on Dr. O to come in for
my 1 month follow-up!

It was a great visit and basically, Dr. O said that I am ahead of the curve for one month out!  He was happy with my progress and how all of the incisions look.  He was also quite pleased with the symmetry of my new breasts as the swelling has gone down.  Dr. O feels like there will not be much to do during the Phase 2 Revision surgery since they look so symmetrical now.  He will do some fat grafting, lipo, and scar revision, but we will discuss that in more detail at my next appointment.  He wants to see me in 6 weeks to get started planning and scheduling Phase 2!!

 4 Weeks Post-op:  My incisions are all pretty much healed...one small
spot under my right breast still has a scab.  I am doing twice daily massage
w/cocoa butter lotion and it really helps with the firmness in my breasts that
I feel in the evenings.  Everything is quite symmetrical on top!

Dr. O also released me to  return to week next week!  I'm ready but not ready for that one. Feeling a little nervous about the long hours and being so busy, but I spread my days out a bit so that I'm not working two shifts in a row.  I am excited to get back to see my coworkers and taking care of the babies and families.  6 weeks is a long time to be gone!

 4 Weeks Post-op:  You can tell better at this angle, that there are little
"overhangs" now on both ends of my incision.  Dr. O said this is normal and expected
as the swelling goes down, but he will remove them in Phase 2.

One of the best things....he said as long as I wore a bra, I could lay on my side! It is AWESOME!  Just to get off of my back is fantastic.  I have also been able to lower my incline and can actually lay flat this week.  

Overall, I feel good!  I am experiencing the common "shooting" nerve pains every so often across my chest.  It doesn't seem to have any real rhyme or reason, but I do think it happens more when I am tired and/or have done a lot with my arms.  Other than that and a little abdominal tenderness by bedtime, I have no complaints.  I am trying not to overdo things, but I am pretty much able to do the regular day-to-day stuff without issue. There are still a few top shelves in the house that I can't quite reach yet!  

On Saturday, I walked in my first 5K!  Yes, I walked the full 5 K exactly 1 month and 2 days post-op!  It was exhausting but so worth it.  My son walked with me and it was a really cool experience.  If you have not had the opportunity to participate in a Komen Race for the Cure event, I highly encourage you to do so.  Being surrounded by ~30,000 Fighters/Survivors/Supporters is an amazing thing!  I'm not going to pretend that I wasn't worn out afterward because I was!  Pretty much spent the rest of the day and evening chillin' on the couch, but it was a good kind of tired and I'm so glad I participated!

#pinkchampion   Komen SA Race for the Cure 2017

#pinkchampion   Komen SA Race for the Cure 2017

#pinkchampion   Komen SA Race for the Cure 2017
I walked the wh0le thing!

Since I'm headed back to work in 5 days, my parents gifted me with a cleaning crew to come deep clean the house today!  Waiting on them now and trying to resist the urge to clean house BEFORE they arrive!!  This is a sweet gift and much needed!

Anyway....that's my past week! How about y'all?

MY TIMELINE:

12/22/16  Routine Screening Mammogram

01/18/17  Repeat Imaging and US of left breast; LUMP found.

01/20/17  Core Needle Biopsy

01/24/17  Biopsy results positive...Stage 0 DCIS, left breast

01/25/17  Meeting with Breast Center Navigator and Genetic Testing

01/30/17  Consultation with Surgical Oncologist, Dr. K

02/08/17  Consultation with Plastic Surgeon

02/21/17  Pre-op Visit with Dr. O's nurse

02/27/17 Pre-op Labs and Testing

03/05/17 Lymph Node Injection

03/06/17 SURGERY DAY!

03/10/17 Home!

03/16/17 10 day Post-op Visit with Plastic Surgery nurse
03/20/17  2 week Post-op Appointment with Surgical Oncologist, Dr. K

04/07/17  1 month Post-Op w/Plastic Surgeon, Dr. O
04/16/17 Returning to work!
05/19/17  Appointment with Dr. O to schedule Phase 2 Surgery!